Experience and memory calcify into the spine of who we are, but the uncertainty of the future often shakes up our sense of stability, when a crisis occurs, the first thing we do is pull ourselves to the familiar, looking for some healing, psychological, emotional or spiritual. My Odyssey years have required me to pursue this quest of what my purpose and aspiration in life is, and so I begin at square one, home.
Mimi Ni Nani? - Introspection
“When you lose yourself
They say you should look within
But what comes
After you search the depths of your heart
And still find nobody?
They say you should practice love in the mirror
But how is that possible
When you don’t know who you’re talking to?
But I know exactly where to look
I journey the drive uptown,
Somewhere that’s always been full of love
Smiles from childhood faces
Have morphed into empty grimaces
My recollection is different
From this ghostly perception
I don’t recognize this place
Perhaps I’ve lost my direction
My soul gets restless
Transfixed by fear
My feet won’t move
Nothing seems clear
All I have are these walls and the end of my road
I wondered if I missed a turn
Sisters and all who’ve come before me
Have walked this path and arrived safe
So why am I the one who has to be brave?
And make sure I survive? Did I miss a turn?
And If I could go back I would go back
Maybe even take the right
But I’ve journeyed for so long,
And I have no more fight
My cup is empty
The water it bore
I poured and now drowns me
And sizzles out
The ember, my soul
That tried to stay burning
Now I with nothing left to drink of
It feels like I’ve been searching in vain
My mouth’s been dry for weeks
I need to call home but these phones don’t dial 2006
Somewhere along this journey, my feet grow weak
So I dust them and rest by water
And suddenly after many moons
Comes a warm flutter in my chest
I hear a familiar rhythm
The waves are rushing to kiss my feet
As if to say welcome back
And the child in me stops weeping
I realize, my steps had been guided
For this is the home I’ve been searching for.
Songs of restoration fill my heart.
My spirit flows like water, free.
And I let the water come over me
Wash away my tough skin,
My armor of battle.
As I stare on the surface
Hopeful eyes look back at me
I see me again
I found me.”